September 26th, 2008

it's amazing how fragile life is
and how easy it is to screw everything up with the flip of a coin.

i dont think i can erase away the damage ive caused this time
some things dont have a backspace button.

September 16th, 2008

Check out my new set on flickr, "Life on the Rustic Side". It's a work in progress, but comments are always appreciated. :)
My Flickr

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madali

August 3rd, 2008

The summer is flying by too fast...

how can it be August already?

One more summer gone

with me having accomplished only about 1/4 of all that I wanted to do

and all that I had planned.

This time at least only about 1/5 of the problem was procrastination

the rest was lack of time

lack of funds do to hugely unplanned circumstances

and a lack of ambition which laziness ended up creating.

But at least this summer the main culprit was lack of time

to accomplish the vast number of ideas I had created,

which is a better reason than the others listed,

so I don't look back with too much regret as far as what I didn't get to do at least.

But again, it's still another summer gone.

Gone by way too fast

and it's not even over yet, but I still feel its demise creeping up too quickly.

Another school year ended

another year gone by too quickly

another year which I haven't done goals

which I have wanted to start and finish for years.

Another summer gone

but it definitely was not all in vain.

Although it went by too fast, there are certain things I wouldn't want to go back for

To change mistakes made, yes, and no at the same time.

Going back and changing them would have made my summer much easier

But at the same time I don't want to.

There were things I learned that I needed to learn

Ways of thinking that needed to be change

Carelessness that I needed to become aware of and alter

Lessons were learned

Mistakes always cause damage,

but our goal should be to make them be fruitful in a good way as well

to use them in the future

to prevent us from doing the same actions again

Now knowing fully what they will reap on us

physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

No decision is without consequences

whether for good or bad

It is these decisions that define us for who we are

and our response to the consequences show what we're really made of.

And since the option of going back is not obtainable

we must press on and use our pasts to make our future brighter

by learning from our mistakes

and not letting them dictate who we will become.

July 31st, 2008

This, my dear, is pessimism.
Pessimism in it's highest form... which anyone with any degree of activity going on upstairs would know isn't very high at all.
Pessimism at it's finest, which you can still hardly qualify as "fine".
It's really a word game, see?
Pessimism at it's highest is really you at your lowest,
and pessimism at it's finest is really you at your worst.

It's just a way to take the "you" out of the sentance, trying to hide the fact that you are in a low frame of mind. Taking the "you" out makes it very much more acceptable to society, keeps out awkward silences and the uncomfortable feelings such ideas place on the ones you're sharing your troubles with.

Refering to it like an object, as the word "pessimism" does, redirects the attention off of you by more or less diffusing the whole effect of whatever you are about to share to the other person. It neutralizes the whole emotion, going from "I am" to "It is". Going from "this is what I'm feeling" to something more acceptable in some way I do not entirely understand. It's really making the subject entirely more objective than subjective.

And I really have no idea why I went off on any of that.
Or even if any of that made any sense.
I suppose it's just an off day.

June 30th, 2008

You see right... a new post! Miracles never cease to happen. ;)

Here's an art series I did from a while ago but never uploaded....

March 16th

Only one more photo today. I unfortunately had to focus on my studies today, reading Catch-22 for my English class to be specific. I truly should have finished it over break (or so were my plans anyways), but it remains only half way through. I only read about a quarter more of it. This book tends to be a hard book to speed read unfortunately...

March 15th

I can't believe spring break is almost over and this is the first picture I've posted all break, first. I'm seriously so disappointed with myself for not taking the chance I had to work on a new portfolio. I took many series of pictures, but just never got around to fully edit any of them, except the one solo photo that is in this post. I swear, Facebook really sucks out your life, and I fully blame it for taking away my break. Although I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself, I just shouldn't have created one for myself over break, that's all. Ah well, too late to change it now. I'll just have to work on the photos once school starts up again... and be super productive with editing them tomorrow between church services. We'll see how much I get done. =)

And for now, I must say goodnight, since I've basically been sleep deprived this entire break from allowing myself to stay up til about 2-3 AM every night. Monday is definitely going to be a rude awakening... both literally and figuratively...

February 21st

A Bitter Thing

Failure
Is such a bitter thing
It gnaws at the soul
tears flesh from flesh
The bite of wind with icy teeth
cutting deep into an unarmed cheek
Burns like coals
flaming beneath naked feet
Crying out blindly
in their raw defeat
Flail, fight, do what they may
But it inevitably awakens
like the blooming of day

February 20th

Spring

Dark like the grave
Cold as a corpse
It is born out of this
Most unexpectedly
Out of death comes life
Spites the reaper with a laugh
Boldly comes forth
Like a patriot crying "Liberty!"

February 19th

Hope

Whispers words to the downfallen ear
Sings gentle melodies to sooth all fear
Bears witness to the future unclear
Brings a rebirthing to things held dear.

February 16th

So, I don't really have time to write anything right now, because I really need to get to bed. Just wanted to post a photo really. G'night everyone. =)

February 15th

My Valentine... <3

So, I have found a new love this Valentine's Day.... charcoal. I am seriously amazed I never met it until just a couple weeks ago, I had no idea what I was missing out on for so many years. I love it, seriously. It might be in fact my new favorite art medium. Although I'm not sure anything could replace the passion I have for acrylics, charcoal is currently pretty much tying with it, which really stuns me. There's something about charcoal that cannot be replicated with acrylic work... it's just the whole experience of using it, of creating something with your own hands, it's really a spectacular feeling that I just can't describe. Using paint brushes is using your hands too, yes, but I don't know... it's something about actually feeling the charcoal piece in your hand that makes all the difference. It makes you feel more in touch with your artwork, like it's truly a part of your being. I love that feeling. =)

February 9th

So, it's February 9th, 16 minutes past midnight, and I find myself basically falling asleep as I attempt to type this without any major grammatical errors, although I have already encountered about 30, all of which I've had to backspace during the writing of this single sentance. I think I'll call it a day.

February 8th

The river is seriously one of my favorite places to go, ever. It's so beautiful down there, so peaceful. Living right there, right on the river would be such a wonderful existence. It would allow for so much inspiration. I love it, period.

February 7th

February 2nd

So, just a moment ago, as I was writing that thoroughly uninteresting title above (since frankly I'm too lazy to think of something snazzy, or creative, or even both at this late hour) I realized that I didn't know how to spell the simple, common word of "February". I pondered over this for a minute, but ended up actually having to look to the pretty little calander on the wall by the fridge to figure out how to spell it correctly... I think I better call it a day before I find myself becoming more illiterate from lack of sleep. ;)

But before I do, I'm just thinking of the word February for another second. February. No one pronounces it like that. As far as I can recall, everyone I know speaks it like "FebUary" and forgets about the lonely little letter 'r' that falls in the middle of that word. Webster should really change the spelling of it. It would make it simpler to type, easier to remember the spelling, and people insist upon leaving that sound out when speaking it anyways. Just a thought.

So I found this in one of my notebooks earlier... I have no idea when it was from, but I'm guessing probably a year or so ago, since my poetry writing style has changed since I wrote this one. But I guess I'll post it anyways, since it relates to the daily picture to a degree (and no, that picture was not from today, and I highly doubt you'll find any dandelions outside any longer. That was from before I got my new camera, but I liked the depth of field and didn't have the time to edit a recent, better photo today, so this will have to do I suppose =) ).

To Be

Oh to be,

To be like a sheath of grass

Laughing and dancing with the flow of the breeze

So blissful, so free, so oblivious

Of the storms of life awaiting it
Awaiting to strike on the clear azul horizon.
To be, so free, so free to simply be.
Yet this life does not fare them well for long
For the frost is bound to come.

January 29th

I should have been born with green eyes.
That's really all I have to say.

Green is such a pretty color. It reminds me of of spring, of freshly cut grass, of life. I really don't know how my eyes became brown. They have somewhat of a greenish color sometime, but I'd like them to be greener, just more full of energy. I suppose I'm just going to be satisfied with seeing them like that in pictures...

for the time being.

January 27.... I couldn't think of a more interesting title

Oh man, I seriously have broken my somewhat late New Year's resolution not even a full month in!... I haven't been posting on here everyday, although I'm quite certain I've taken the time to log on to myspace daily. Oh well, I'm going to try to take the time more often, once I'm caught up with studying for my oceanography class that is... I've been procrastinating rather much so on my out-of-class readings, which is never a good thing when you feel that it is the hardest class you've ever taken and ever wish to take again. So, this is going to (again) be a much briefer entry than I had wanted to post, but I suppose schoolwork should remain higher than this on my priority list. So, back to studying paleomagnetism and plate techtonics...

Doors

It stands as sentry to the unknown
Guards what lies on the other side
The mysteries are silent as it remains like stone
Chooses who shall pass as it is stationed alone
Protects from dangers and curiousity it guides.

Time for Sleep

I would love to write a lovely long post, but I find that 5 hrs of sleep in a 24hr period generally does not prove to be enough to stay awake on... so therefore I must be off to bed. G'night all. =)

Books + Coffee= <3

I was pleasantly surprised today. It rained lightly, but humidity decided to treat me kindly and decided to excuse my hair from becoming its usual ball of frizzy waves. It was seriously quite a pleasant surprise, fer sure.

Perhaps I'm a nerd, but I really do love Borders Bookstore so extremely much. I could sit in there for hours really... maybe even a whole day if I had the time to spend. I went there after school today to just curl up in one of their big comfy leather chairs while reading a large pile of books I selected and drinking a fabulously delicious vanilla frappachino. Although the environment cannot match the energy of Starbucks atmosphere, Borders remains my secondmost choice when it comes to places which I find calmly rejuvenating. I could really see myself enjoying living there, it's all so peaceful... I suppose if that were the case I'd be somewhat like the phantom of the opera, except I'd kidnap books rather than opera performers.

Oh man, I've already broken my resolution of posting everyday... I just glanced at my clock and it's after midnight. Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to be satisfied with posting twice today to make up for it. Here's a quick little poem, by the way, which I wrote as I was waiting to go to the RAGE event tonight....

Raindrops

They fall from their blanket of white and grey,
Into the open arms of those who eagerly await them.
The strong stand firm and hold them with care
while the weak tremble and bend beneath their weight.
Some are shrugged off to the soil below
by those who refuse to accept their fair aid,
While others become the most greedy of gatherers
letting no droplet escape their desperate grasp.
After their visit, they bade farewell and return
back to their homeland, of white and grey.

Once again, dreary, but beautiful.

I've heard the expression "Rain makes you beautiful" many a times now, but I have yet to see any bit of evidence supporting this phrase... when it comes to my hair that is. I supose if you happen to be a plant, you would find that phrase to be quite accurate indeed, since you would need those precious raindrops to nurish your continuously growing, leafy self... but I have yet to see such positive results in my own being, especially in my hair. Since these past few days have been rather rainy, I found myself quite a few times in the predicament of walking in the rain (and in the humid outdoor air). From these experiences, I can confidently tell you from first-hand experience that that dear phrase which you know so well is complete utter nonsense. No amount of straightening is able to protect my hair from the rain's wrath. I straighten it optimistically, hoping that the humidity will act kindly today and spare my hair from it's fury, but time and time again it attacks without warning and styles my hair back into my naturally wavy, limp blob of frizz. I really don't understand why I so stubbornly continue to ignore the inevitable and straighten my hair on such rainy days as these, but I never have yet disappointed myself and given in to the obvious defeat awaiting me as soon as I step out of the house. I think it will most likely remain one of those unsolvable mysteries which I will never fully understand about myself.

Today I felt inspired, so I wrote a couple poems between classes...

To Warm a Soul

It peeked out behind the clouds
Let its joy rain down
Laughed melodies to warm the coldest of souls
Whispered of peace, of bliss, of happy times awaited
Then ducked back behind its cloak of grey.

Footsteps

They clamor along in all directions, all paces
Some move with ease, others suffer quiet hesitation
Off to different lives different dreams
Different destinies patiently await them
But of each of their fates, I know not.

Rain

Rainy days are among the most beautiful moments that can be ever experienced by any individual, or so I feel at least. This is my first blog entry, and very much much shorter than I had wished it to be... but I fear that I must cut it short due to the fact that I am well past my given bedtime since I have classes tomorrow, so I suppose I must say goodnight.

<3