May 2nd, 2009- The Choice

Life has thrown at me this question
that I really have no idea how to reply to...

is there a difference between true passion and true purpose?
and if there is, which is heavier than the other?
which is more important to live your daily life pursuing?

is purpose something your fate is tied to?
carefully interwoven with destiny into the tapestry of life?
or is it something you purely choose and mold yourself?
do you mold it after your life passions?
and through these passions, you find your purpose?



am i making any sense?
it makes a degree of sense in my head,
but i'm not sure if i really tranferred it into written form very well.
i've never really been one of those people
that can easily translate their thought language
effortlessly into words.
and usually when i do it doesn't feel like i've really translated
my thoughts and feelings fully in the way i had wanted to.



but anyways, I'm getting off track...
purpose/passion!

i just don't know.

my passion in life i clearly photography.
it gives me a natural high that no other hobby has ever given me...
it's not just a hobby to me; it's LIFE.
It's beauty. It's love. It's joy. It's relaxation.
It's my oxygen.
How can I spend my life doing something else?
I have lots of other interests, yes, but nothing else is this strong.
I have such a desire to pursue it
and just looking at other people's work stirs up my imagination instantly.
seeing photos never ends to just kindle my desire.
all of it just stirs up my mind.
i can't describe the feeling I get any other way.
it's like, my heart starts beating faster
i get more awake.
i just become overwhelmed by the beauty life brings
the stories pictures silently tell.

how can I pursue something else?
i know many people wouldn't approve.
it's not like it's considered a 'traditional' career, a 'steady' career.
it's not me becoming Megan Kondrath, M.D., like my mom would love.
or me going after a profession that would put me in the 'upper class' of society,
like my dad dedicated his life to...
but is doing those things really worth it, if you have no passion for those things?



My father was an extremely successful man.
I can't complain, we never lacked anything, ever.
I never once saw my parents need a loan,
If I wanted something, I just had to ask
and almost always a yes was my reply.
My mother and I constantly got to travel.
Maybe not to exotic countries or anything, but we got around.
We'd just pack up and go to the beach,
field trips to neighboring cities were almost weekly.



But does money really buy happiness?
no.
from what I grew up seeing, it bought stress, which brings strife.
I don't want that.
Sure, money's lovely,
and a Ph.D. in some prestigous career is a heck of an accomplishment,
but what if I don't really want all that?
what if I like the simple things of life?
what if what will make me happiest is
sitting on a beach sipping limeade
living in a bungalo with creaky screen doors
and having a laid back life recording peoples' best memories...
from weddings, to high school sports, to people vacationing on the beach.
I want that.

Purpose, or passion?